There is so much I am thinking. I am so caught up in the process and formulation and organization that I struggle to express it, but I need to try. I can feel something is happening, though I know it is not any one thing, rather a combination of many little and not unexpected things. But there is something else going on- I feel it in the base of my body, the back of my head and the fidgety tips of my fingers. I want to try to tell someone, to write it down and say it so that I don't have to work so hard to figure it out and hold onto it in my head. So many little pieces that I want to identify, but I stop just before putting them in their neat little box and ask why it is that and why I want to know in the first place. I am questioning everything- motives, definitions, perspectives, beliefs, ideas.
If you could have one thing that you wanted most right now, what would it be? To be content with what I have/who I am. Satisfaction. Fulfillment But would that mean I have no ambition? No desire to grow and learn? Perhaps what I want most is balance- the ability to be satisfied with the present and to grow and change as well.
I can tell that I want to take action. To learn and to practice- to try, experiment and grow. The process paralyzes me. How do I know which thing to pursue? And what is the best way to pursue it, and how do I prepare for that? Why does it have to be the best way. I am walking around the pool debating the entrances, stretching, changing suits, laying out my towel, picking it up and moving it to a more strategic location. Reading about how to swim, how to dry off, asking everyone who knows most about it, what they do and why. Really when it comes down to it, I just want to get in the pool. Why do I not trust that everything will work itself out?
This sounds like a struggle with powerlessness to me. I am trying to control how my experiences will be. I want to learn so that I do not appear stupid - insecurity. I want to know so I stand out as knowledgeable - pride. I want to do so that I can learn and experience. I want to be prepared so that I do not fail - fear. I want to expand, be more, consume (healthy - knowledge, hobbies and crafts, meditation and unhealthy - sugar, quick finger foods, mind-numbing activities like games). I am hungry and eager and anxious. I want to do - I don't know what - but it is urgent! But I don't want to do unless it is that one thing I want to do most, and how do I find that!? Why is it so important to do right? What is this fear and insecurity- where is my faith?
I want to learn at a safe distance- I want to listen to a recording so that there is no dialogue for me to engage in, no criticism at my ignorance. I want to listen passively and protected. The more I investigate things to listen to and learn about and read about, the more they seem to remind me that the best way to learn them is through practice- action. When I move toward action I overwhelm myself into paralysis. I am spinning in circles in my head, exhausted, exhilarated, confused, eager. I am angry with myself for not enjoying the present. I struggle to be still, be quiet, be here and now. I make lists or think about lists I need to make. I gather information digitally and from afar- I keep it in a semi-organized fashion with the intention of going back and actually spending some time taking from it what I want - inspiration.
I horde and gather and collect. I find new things that I want to horde and gather and collect. I chastise myself for collecting too much without using it. I yearn for simplicity, surrender, freedom, peace of mind. I want to lay in the grass and just let my thoughts flow. I don't want to have to move all the time and think all the time and do all the time. I don't want to go anywhere because I cling so tightly to my precious free time. Then in my free time I scramble for what I think I am supposed to be doing- rushed and pressured. Quick- there are movies that HAVE to be watched!! I must play this game so that I can finish more quests!! I must make food before the last food I made is eaten! I must make the bed and do the things that get undone daily! It feels like a hamster wheel, but I know it is of my own making, and that is even MORE frustrating!
I am not too lost in the negativity of all this- there is too much happy excitement about my open mindedness, new interests, and opportunities and possibilities. But the frustration and anxiety are evident in my body - tight and weakened, mind - loud and congested, and spirit - clouded and flickering. I am somewhere between a crisis and an awakening, panic and peace. Isn't that where I am supposed to be? And how do I know where I am supposed to be? And why does it even matter!? Who can answer all of my questions! Have I resolved my pending issues? Do I owe amends? What is waiting for me to do? How soon can I finish it! What is most important to do first and WHY?
PMS and gratefulness flutter in and out. Security and stability and fear about not having enough savings. Desire to improve and desire to be still. Yoga and meetings, spiritual readings interspersed with nail biting and eating when I am not hungry. I fight a grand and epic battle with myself in my own head- I have all the answers, or not, but only I can make the choices, and my choices have consequences. I want to get away from all the feelings without a care for the future implications. I want to stop and consider all future implications and get through desire for instant gratification. I am a walking paradox, muddled, ecstatic, snarky, couch potato. I do not feel contained- I am spilling out over the edges! I feel unmanageable, unmanaged! Is that ok? Do I trust that this too shall pass? Am I forgetting something!? Is it ok to just go with the flow, move forward? That is what I am doing ultimately, though I plague myself with this mindfuck (can't find a better term). Though I am riding these emotions and questions and dis-ease and growing pains, I still am moving forward. I am living life on life's terms, taking what comes my direction. Am I reliable? Am I doing what is right? Am I being a good friend? Who am I ignoring, what am I putting off? How can I fix it all, pull it all back in to a neat manageable package? Should it be in a package? Is the package just a deception of control? Isn't it always overflowing? Is it foolish to allow myself to be comforted by it? Do I simply focus on trust and here and now. One day at a time- what do I need to do right now. In this minute. In this 5 minutes. Breathe. Focus on the in ... and the out ... Be here, be now, be ok.
Let go. Let the questions go. Let the answers go. Stop worrying. If I want, consider the motive, run it by people - is it spiritual? Yes? Go for it. Don't worry about prep. Don't worry about what book is the best to teach me the basics so that I can get the starter kit. Just jump in. Probably will be failure, but what better way to learn- don't I tend to learn that way anyway!? Trust that I will be watched and carried. Follow through with nurturing the relationships that support me. Take an inventory daily to check in- what did I do today that I feel good about? What did I do that I do not feel good about? Do the things that thus far I know keep me going in generally the right direction (or at least help me not go the very wrong direction I have spent so much time walking).
So here I am. My hands are a little cold. This tea has cream instead of milk. It is good and warm, but prefer milk. I have so many many blessings, and I am thankful. I am stimulated and challenged here at work. I take advantage of the time they give me to work at home and multitask. I cruise internet sites and research and read and do things other than work. I want to not do my employer wrong this way. I want to be human and reasonable and take breaks but stay focused. I want to be productive. I need to speak up if I have time I don't know how to fill, or take the time to figure out what best to fill it with.
I am so grateful for the spring and the sunshine. I am so happy for my morning snuggles with my boys. I am so grateful to work surrounded by plants and earth and kindness. I am so blessed to have yoga to help me clam my mind and body and spirit, align them, go slow, be still, be thankful. I am so glad for love in my life. I am so happy for health and ambition. I pray for surrender, powerlessness. Let me continue to be me, to go forward, to be still, to make mistakes, to learn, to practice, to act and to do nothing. I send out love and health to all. I open my mind to those I judge. I acknowledge my defects of character and become aware of them. I seek to live by spiritual principles in my daily life.
I wear my barefoot shoes which remind me what the ground feels like and how hard I stomp when I walk. I roll my neck and remember how important it is to move and stretch. I go to bed at a good time and enjoy waking easily feeling rested. I do what I need that is inconvenient even if I don't want it at the moment, and I benefit from it. I take suggestion and encouragement from those around me that love and guide me.
I head off to a work meeting feeling lighter with a hint of a smile.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Monday, April 9, 2012
Thoughts of stuff and some things as well
This weekend we went to South Coast Plaza and found a dress for me for the wedding in May- hooray! I wore my new Merrell Serene Gloves all day and did not have a problem. I find that when I do not wear the ribbons around my ankles, the back of the right shoe rubs the back of my foot wrong, but with the ribbon it is fine. I still find myself stomping a bit and am learning how to walk softly.
I am so eager to get my shipment of 30lbs of nuts (another 25lbs almonds and 5lbs pecans). I want to get cracking! I have been using cotton gloves sold at pharmacy stores to help prevent blistering and tearing up my fingertips, but I go through the gloves pretty quickly, so I decided to check out a sporting goods store to see if I could find a more durable solution. Many weight lifting gloves were finger-less, and golfing gloves were too thin, so we went with women's batting gloves- dexterous but durable. Very excited to give them a try. I am sure that if I use the fingertips to peel open the sharp cracked pecans I would tear them, so I need to be sure to use a pick and remove a glove for that part. Mostly the protect my hand from the crackers not the nuts.
I was sick last week- I very strange kind of sick- just very very tired and achy and heavy. Slept a lot and didn't eat a ton, but never threw up or had any congestion. I am glad it finally passed- it stuck around a long time! (Sunday to Friday!)
I made some tasty food for a gathering last weekend- all Primal- I made chicken enchilada stew that was too hot for me due to NM green chiles and I forgot to serve with cheese. I made my almond blondies with extra dark chocolate, and my first time trying a toasted walnut (but I burnt all the walnuts so we used pecans) pomegranate and apple salad with home made dressing that I made too olive-oily, but was ok :P. I served butternut squash fries- just dipped in EVOO with salt and broiled/baked that were a big hit!! My bacon crusted sweet potato mash got cold too fast and wasn't a big hit. I gave party favors of my home made sweet and salty trail mix :)
It was an excellent gathering, and I had SUCH a great time- good eats, good times and great company!
Oh we also stopped at our favorite restaurant- Habana in Costa Mesa- truly a delicious and unique experience. The food is ALWAYS great, brunch lunch or dinner- it is the kind of place where they might say- no crab cakes today, the chef said the crab wasn't good enough today- very high standards. They have the best key lime pie I have ever had. We both had the specials- John had pork belly served over wilted spinach and a bacon, bean, sweet potato mash thing. I had the pan seared halibut with cream of mushroom sauce served over garlic mash. Both were absolutely delicious. The fish was cooked to perfection- crispy on the outside as if breaded and tender and flaky on the inside. We also had the crab-cake appetizers which we love. John has iced tea (unsweetened, not fruity) everywhere we go, and Habana has some of the best tea ever - no idea what they use :)
I find myself interested still in learning how to make a fire and build a shelter. I want to read and gather knowledge about wilderness survival, but it seems experience is far more valuable than stocked goods and equipment or books read. I also want to learn more about urban homesteading, urban survival, being sustainable. In reality, I live in a more suburban area than urban (thank goodness) but I still don't really have a plot of land to work with, rather a cemented patio I can put planters on (or hang from). I have a real tickle to do some gardening. I want to try succulents and herbs as those seem hardy and common and cheap and a good way to start. Again, I am tempted to read and learn and print and highlight, but in reality experience and trial and error will be the real learning.
I finished up The Road and now I am going to listen to some H.P. Lovecraft. I want to listen to Brian's Saga by Paulsen, but I can't find a good audio copy of the Hatchet and it is short, so I may try to borrow it from a library. I watched Never Cry Wolf and LOVED it. I think it is largely because the main character is quirky like me, and I think like him. I don't care if the info about wolves is wrong, I really loved this film. I also watched Alone in the Wilderness- the true story of a guy who builds a cabin in Alaska and stays for year- everything from scratch- it is absolutely incredible to see his carpentry skills. I think most people get this sense of longing for being so independent and self-reliable, but the reality is without growing up on a farm or having someone to show me all of this and the opportunity to practice practice practice it isn't very realistic.
I was listening to The Survival Podcast and it talked about the comfort you might feel by having tested yourself and found and addressed your vulnerabilities and strike a balance of preparedness - rather than spend tons of effort, energy and money stockpiling things you never user or know how to use, there are every-day ways to prepare for the more common and likely events- regional disasters- blackout, hurricane, earthquake, fire, etc. Can you go without power and running water for 24 hours in your house? Survival preparedness is more than having a pack of fancy shmancy freeze dried goods and thinking about the zombie apocalypse, it is getting the legitimate needs addressed. Knowing where you would meet if something happened and you couldn't go home. Your nearby family that might need you. How to have light and water at your house for a few days when you need it. I want to read and do more about this- I want to try the 24 hour test. I have to work on convincing John to do it with me :P
I want to garden - yes I someday want a gopher proof irrigated garden that grows veggies I eat, but I also know that if I don't start now, that desire gets further and further away. I have hanging baskets and succulents to take cuttings of. The farmers market has herbs and succulents for sale as well. All I need is soil and determination :)
I want to learn my vulnerabilities, practice for disaster in a not-crazy-person way. Pretend there is a blackout, store some more water in the garage, go in the woods and make fires and shelters. I want to open the zombie/survival kits, inventory them, see what is needed and know how to use what is there. It is crazy to keep adding snares and smoke grenades and a hand chain saw when you can do so much of what you need with a good knife. I want to learn how to use what I have rather than go nuts making an insanely heavy pack heavier with real things that are more of fun gestures (like say a grappling hook... but hey, I want to PLAY in the woods, climb trees, exercise in FUN and new ways. Where is a safe place to play- erm I mean learn how to use a grappling hook? I know, your answer is, Veronica, there is no safe way for you to use a grappling hook. :P) I want to be strong enough to pull myself out of the water or up from a ledge. I want to be smart and level headed enough to not panic if I am lost. I want to know how to get through a tough time. I want to stockpile and use skills that for me are educational, fun, and functional.
Also, I am still totally on a tea kick. I love Adiago teas black dragon pearls, Irish breakfast and lady grey as well as a hazelnut chocolaty tea like Harney and Sons Florence. I am not turning out to be a big fan of rooibos. Too powerful of a taste- it masks all the other flavors. I like a good spiced chai that isn't too cardamom-y. I like licorice root tea and cinnamon teas. I want to try more oolong and green and black and green and white mixes. Greens alone are not my thing for now. :)
I want to take the stairs every day and try a pull up every day and do my strength training twice a week. I want to keep doing yoga at home. I am doing good at meditating and prayer lately. I want to go and hike every weekend, or at least a nice long walk or some nut cracking in the sun on the grass regularly.
I want to learn not to advertise so much bacon consumption- if you aren't eating organic no extra nitrates added, no or low sugar, great quality bacon like Neiman ranch or Applegate, then bacon IS pretty bad for you. As with pretty much anything, too much bacon is also bad for you. Standard meat carries much of the toxins in the fat- if you can't get grass fed or organic, get lean, the saying goes. I want to not say I am Paleo as that is such a changing and confusing word these days, or even a high fat low carb, as that isn't always the case, but rather I focus on no grains, no gluten and no refined sugar. Real food- organic, farmer's market, etc. If it comes in a package, I hesitate. If it has more than 5 ingredients or ones I cannot pronounce, I hesitate. I eat full fat dairy and nuts and seeds and fruits in moderation. I sleep lots, play, love myself, and challenge myself. I eat what makes me feel good and these days heavy starchy carb-heavy foods or sugary foods or processed foods don't feel good at all. My tongue likes them, and not even that all of the time. I don't smoke or drink, I park farther away and walk a little further and try to think of three distinct things I am grateful for each day. I try to listen to my body rather than medicate, squash, and force it. I try and hear both sides of the story and stay open minded. I choose not to participate in much of the media and news and politics and focus my energies on bettering my little local community where I don't feel so small, overwhelmed and insignificant. I smile at strangers, return the cart, pick up the litter, and try to be like a duck and let troubles roll off my feathers like water.
Happy Monday world.
I am so eager to get my shipment of 30lbs of nuts (another 25lbs almonds and 5lbs pecans). I want to get cracking! I have been using cotton gloves sold at pharmacy stores to help prevent blistering and tearing up my fingertips, but I go through the gloves pretty quickly, so I decided to check out a sporting goods store to see if I could find a more durable solution. Many weight lifting gloves were finger-less, and golfing gloves were too thin, so we went with women's batting gloves- dexterous but durable. Very excited to give them a try. I am sure that if I use the fingertips to peel open the sharp cracked pecans I would tear them, so I need to be sure to use a pick and remove a glove for that part. Mostly the protect my hand from the crackers not the nuts.
I was sick last week- I very strange kind of sick- just very very tired and achy and heavy. Slept a lot and didn't eat a ton, but never threw up or had any congestion. I am glad it finally passed- it stuck around a long time! (Sunday to Friday!)
I made some tasty food for a gathering last weekend- all Primal- I made chicken enchilada stew that was too hot for me due to NM green chiles and I forgot to serve with cheese. I made my almond blondies with extra dark chocolate, and my first time trying a toasted walnut (but I burnt all the walnuts so we used pecans) pomegranate and apple salad with home made dressing that I made too olive-oily, but was ok :P. I served butternut squash fries- just dipped in EVOO with salt and broiled/baked that were a big hit!! My bacon crusted sweet potato mash got cold too fast and wasn't a big hit. I gave party favors of my home made sweet and salty trail mix :)
It was an excellent gathering, and I had SUCH a great time- good eats, good times and great company!
Oh we also stopped at our favorite restaurant- Habana in Costa Mesa- truly a delicious and unique experience. The food is ALWAYS great, brunch lunch or dinner- it is the kind of place where they might say- no crab cakes today, the chef said the crab wasn't good enough today- very high standards. They have the best key lime pie I have ever had. We both had the specials- John had pork belly served over wilted spinach and a bacon, bean, sweet potato mash thing. I had the pan seared halibut with cream of mushroom sauce served over garlic mash. Both were absolutely delicious. The fish was cooked to perfection- crispy on the outside as if breaded and tender and flaky on the inside. We also had the crab-cake appetizers which we love. John has iced tea (unsweetened, not fruity) everywhere we go, and Habana has some of the best tea ever - no idea what they use :)
I find myself interested still in learning how to make a fire and build a shelter. I want to read and gather knowledge about wilderness survival, but it seems experience is far more valuable than stocked goods and equipment or books read. I also want to learn more about urban homesteading, urban survival, being sustainable. In reality, I live in a more suburban area than urban (thank goodness) but I still don't really have a plot of land to work with, rather a cemented patio I can put planters on (or hang from). I have a real tickle to do some gardening. I want to try succulents and herbs as those seem hardy and common and cheap and a good way to start. Again, I am tempted to read and learn and print and highlight, but in reality experience and trial and error will be the real learning.
I finished up The Road and now I am going to listen to some H.P. Lovecraft. I want to listen to Brian's Saga by Paulsen, but I can't find a good audio copy of the Hatchet and it is short, so I may try to borrow it from a library. I watched Never Cry Wolf and LOVED it. I think it is largely because the main character is quirky like me, and I think like him. I don't care if the info about wolves is wrong, I really loved this film. I also watched Alone in the Wilderness- the true story of a guy who builds a cabin in Alaska and stays for year- everything from scratch- it is absolutely incredible to see his carpentry skills. I think most people get this sense of longing for being so independent and self-reliable, but the reality is without growing up on a farm or having someone to show me all of this and the opportunity to practice practice practice it isn't very realistic.
I was listening to The Survival Podcast and it talked about the comfort you might feel by having tested yourself and found and addressed your vulnerabilities and strike a balance of preparedness - rather than spend tons of effort, energy and money stockpiling things you never user or know how to use, there are every-day ways to prepare for the more common and likely events- regional disasters- blackout, hurricane, earthquake, fire, etc. Can you go without power and running water for 24 hours in your house? Survival preparedness is more than having a pack of fancy shmancy freeze dried goods and thinking about the zombie apocalypse, it is getting the legitimate needs addressed. Knowing where you would meet if something happened and you couldn't go home. Your nearby family that might need you. How to have light and water at your house for a few days when you need it. I want to read and do more about this- I want to try the 24 hour test. I have to work on convincing John to do it with me :P
I want to garden - yes I someday want a gopher proof irrigated garden that grows veggies I eat, but I also know that if I don't start now, that desire gets further and further away. I have hanging baskets and succulents to take cuttings of. The farmers market has herbs and succulents for sale as well. All I need is soil and determination :)
I want to learn my vulnerabilities, practice for disaster in a not-crazy-person way. Pretend there is a blackout, store some more water in the garage, go in the woods and make fires and shelters. I want to open the zombie/survival kits, inventory them, see what is needed and know how to use what is there. It is crazy to keep adding snares and smoke grenades and a hand chain saw when you can do so much of what you need with a good knife. I want to learn how to use what I have rather than go nuts making an insanely heavy pack heavier with real things that are more of fun gestures (like say a grappling hook... but hey, I want to PLAY in the woods, climb trees, exercise in FUN and new ways. Where is a safe place to play- erm I mean learn how to use a grappling hook? I know, your answer is, Veronica, there is no safe way for you to use a grappling hook. :P) I want to be strong enough to pull myself out of the water or up from a ledge. I want to be smart and level headed enough to not panic if I am lost. I want to know how to get through a tough time. I want to stockpile and use skills that for me are educational, fun, and functional.
Also, I am still totally on a tea kick. I love Adiago teas black dragon pearls, Irish breakfast and lady grey as well as a hazelnut chocolaty tea like Harney and Sons Florence. I am not turning out to be a big fan of rooibos. Too powerful of a taste- it masks all the other flavors. I like a good spiced chai that isn't too cardamom-y. I like licorice root tea and cinnamon teas. I want to try more oolong and green and black and green and white mixes. Greens alone are not my thing for now. :)
I want to take the stairs every day and try a pull up every day and do my strength training twice a week. I want to keep doing yoga at home. I am doing good at meditating and prayer lately. I want to go and hike every weekend, or at least a nice long walk or some nut cracking in the sun on the grass regularly.
I want to learn not to advertise so much bacon consumption- if you aren't eating organic no extra nitrates added, no or low sugar, great quality bacon like Neiman ranch or Applegate, then bacon IS pretty bad for you. As with pretty much anything, too much bacon is also bad for you. Standard meat carries much of the toxins in the fat- if you can't get grass fed or organic, get lean, the saying goes. I want to not say I am Paleo as that is such a changing and confusing word these days, or even a high fat low carb, as that isn't always the case, but rather I focus on no grains, no gluten and no refined sugar. Real food- organic, farmer's market, etc. If it comes in a package, I hesitate. If it has more than 5 ingredients or ones I cannot pronounce, I hesitate. I eat full fat dairy and nuts and seeds and fruits in moderation. I sleep lots, play, love myself, and challenge myself. I eat what makes me feel good and these days heavy starchy carb-heavy foods or sugary foods or processed foods don't feel good at all. My tongue likes them, and not even that all of the time. I don't smoke or drink, I park farther away and walk a little further and try to think of three distinct things I am grateful for each day. I try to listen to my body rather than medicate, squash, and force it. I try and hear both sides of the story and stay open minded. I choose not to participate in much of the media and news and politics and focus my energies on bettering my little local community where I don't feel so small, overwhelmed and insignificant. I smile at strangers, return the cart, pick up the litter, and try to be like a duck and let troubles roll off my feathers like water.
Happy Monday world.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
New shoooes
Happy Tuesday, Happy Spring, Happiness and peace to you :)
Went on another Mt Baldy hike- went barefoot from the altar where I drop my kisses to Brutus' Lookout. Made it all the way up to Bear Flats! We saw a giant lizard- had to be a good 10 inches long. Brutus drank some snow melt water that I figured would be fine and was sick the whole next day :( Won't do that again.
There is a little clearing in a wooded area before you break out into the meadow of Bear Flats where a big tree is surrounded by cleared ground. The tree seems to umbrella the whole place making it feel like a natural sanctuary. Definitely somewhere that would be great for more visiting and perhaps some photos! Here are some photos from other folks of this hike
Went on another Mt Baldy hike- went barefoot from the altar where I drop my kisses to Brutus' Lookout. Made it all the way up to Bear Flats! We saw a giant lizard- had to be a good 10 inches long. Brutus drank some snow melt water that I figured would be fine and was sick the whole next day :( Won't do that again.
There is a little clearing in a wooded area before you break out into the meadow of Bear Flats where a big tree is surrounded by cleared ground. The tree seems to umbrella the whole place making it feel like a natural sanctuary. Definitely somewhere that would be great for more visiting and perhaps some photos! Here are some photos from other folks of this hike
view from Brutus' Lookout
This is the tree and clearing I was talking about
Made it to Bear Flats! :)
Lizard!
Anyway, on to my new shoooes! I got the Merrell Barefoot Serene Glove- when I first ordered a pair, they seemed too big- my feet slid around a bit, and for such a minimalist shoe, it didn't seem right to be extra roomy. I was nervous about blisters from the friction of my foot moving so much within the shoe. I got 1/2 size down, and my toes bump the front of the shoe when I walk. When I stand they gently touch it, if I kick my heels to the back of the shoe they don't. When I do my standard walk, it feels like I am stomping horribly and mashing my toes on the front uncomfortably, but I have read that when you try barefoot shoes you pay more attention and even adjust the way you walk. The stomping hurts my whole foot! So I am trying to walk more gingerly and carefully and as long as I do, I think they will be fine. I know I need to work up to them, not wear them all day every day right away or I will be quite sore and uncomfortable. Walking in minimalist shoes or barefoot works different and less-used muscles in your feet. I have been rolling a baseball under my feet at work to help stretch those muscles and felt sore afterwards, so I know I've warmed up a little.
I wanted some flats- feminine shoes for girly jeans and cute tops that don't have some bow on them (harder than it sounds to find, especially in my large size). I wanted barefoot shoes, and I found a perfect blend of the two. There is even an optional ankle ribbon that makes them look extra girly that I wear under my jeans for now just to keep them held up and secure. They are very flexible and there is tread on the bottom. I will continue to report back on them :)
Not my feet, but pretty similar :)
No shampoo continues to go great. I am definitely down to using baking soda and vinegar about 3 times a week and just hot water and a good scrub with my fingers the rest of the time. I don't use any product, but I do blowdry my hair sometimes, as I got a new haircut :) I continue to use organic soap as well, and a tea tree oil Trader Joes face wash.
So I had great success with my roast beef coming out pink all the way through on the first try and it tastes great hot, cold, and even after freezing. I am having a party Sunday and have a big menu planned! Tonight is my first try at beef ribs in the oven!
Life is good and I am very grateful for my many blessings, this Earth, my loving support system, my health, my happiness, and so much more.
Friday, March 16, 2012
House/Room Inspiration
Every now and again I think of things I want to eventually have in/around my home. I like to document them somehow, so that I can come back to them and keep them in the back of my mind.
I like vertical succulent gardens/green roofs - using the roof of a shed for a garden for inside and out!
I like bringing trees/branches into the house - especially in the bedroom
\
I like funky windows and doors- go outside of the general definition of shapes and boundaries
I also like the view from the kitchen sink to either look outside or at my fish tank :P
I like lots of sunlight in the kitchen- big fan of sunlights in a home. I would like to actually use solar tubes for a nice sized reef tank someday (probably about 6-8' long)
Anyway, just wanted to jot some of this down. More to come :)
I like vertical succulent gardens/green roofs - using the roof of a shed for a garden for inside and out!
I like bringing trees/branches into the house - especially in the bedroom
\
This one above is probably my favorite, and possibly an easier one to come by!
I like funky windows and doors- go outside of the general definition of shapes and boundaries
I like bird houses- bunched together- here is an example in my parent's backyard
I like oddly shaped doors - I love wood that isn't necessarily square- turned wood, etc
Lanterns!
I like lots of sunlight in the kitchen- big fan of sunlights in a home. I would like to actually use solar tubes for a nice sized reef tank someday (probably about 6-8' long)
Anyway, just wanted to jot some of this down. More to come :)
Friday, March 9, 2012
Cooking Adventures!
Thought it was about time to check in again!
Taking advantage of my active friends to work in walks, hikes, and camping trips! I have only brought a few people on my Mt Baldy Hike, and I look forward to the opportunity to introduce new people to it. Perhaps my hike-a-holic brother will want to go when he visits later this month!
Last night I made a 4lb meat loaf! It was so big with all the fixings, I could barely fit it in my mixing bowl. Hence I forgot to add eggs :P So it didn't hold together as well as it could of, yet it was quite scrumtious. I covered it with bacon and emptied the precious grease twice while cooking to make sure it finished, yet the loaf remained moist and tasty.
I also made my second attempt at my tasty orange soup. Unfortunately "1 butternut squash and 1 sweet potato" are not the most specific, and my ratio was off and it was way too carroty, but I read that salt and some oil (cream or butter) could counteract the sugary carrots. I added some cream and salt, and though better, it still wasn't quite right. I also read you could add a little white vinegar, but I added too much. I then researched counteracting the vinegar taste. I added a box of organic butternut squash soup to help, and a bit of baking soda. Though better, it was still a bit off, but after some more cinnamon and nutmeg and corrainder and a dash more cream, we got it pretty good. Unfortunately, the first time I made this soup, it was incredible so there were high expectations :)
I also made a bacon crusted quiche! I made my cheesy bacon caulifolower, but used frozen cauliflower and it caused it to come out liquidy and mushy, though not too shabby when reheated. We had tried to blanch and freeze a bunch of farmer's market veggies, and I am learning which worked well and which didn't and how to cook with them - mostly pan fry or steam. For asparagus, blanching and freezing seems to have gone terribly- roasted or pan fried the come out shriveled and limp (and I didn't trim them first).
I also made a turkey pot pie soup that was quite good! I LOOOVE chicken/turkey pot pie, so this really hit the spot.
I look forward to some more green tea mouse and other treats. We may be making sweet potato pancakes or banana bread french toast this weekend OoOooO!
Anyhow, just wanted to talk about food for a bit :)
I tried my first duck breast which was so tender and moist. It was truly excellent. I also ordered some new teas- I am really into tea right now. I am getting another tea strainer and liking loose leaf tea. I mostly like black tea and herbal warm spice dessert teas. My favorite continues to be Tazo Focus - black tea, yerba mate, cocoa, and orage MMMM.
I am so grateful today- so happy for this beautiful place I live, for getting to drive through the desert and experience the crisp cold of Taos spring air and a warm bed at night. For the ease that general-lack-of-weather most of us Californians enjoy (no scraping windshields or shoveling snow). For the grass to walk and sit on, and the nuts I have to crack. For the animals who snuggle me and my loving support system. For my happy hands to type and eyes to read, for the paleosphere and the interenet and blogs that let me find and share and gather recipes and info and ideas. :) Happy Friday all!!
Taking advantage of my active friends to work in walks, hikes, and camping trips! I have only brought a few people on my Mt Baldy Hike, and I look forward to the opportunity to introduce new people to it. Perhaps my hike-a-holic brother will want to go when he visits later this month!
Last night I made a 4lb meat loaf! It was so big with all the fixings, I could barely fit it in my mixing bowl. Hence I forgot to add eggs :P So it didn't hold together as well as it could of, yet it was quite scrumtious. I covered it with bacon and emptied the precious grease twice while cooking to make sure it finished, yet the loaf remained moist and tasty.
I also made my second attempt at my tasty orange soup. Unfortunately "1 butternut squash and 1 sweet potato" are not the most specific, and my ratio was off and it was way too carroty, but I read that salt and some oil (cream or butter) could counteract the sugary carrots. I added some cream and salt, and though better, it still wasn't quite right. I also read you could add a little white vinegar, but I added too much. I then researched counteracting the vinegar taste. I added a box of organic butternut squash soup to help, and a bit of baking soda. Though better, it was still a bit off, but after some more cinnamon and nutmeg and corrainder and a dash more cream, we got it pretty good. Unfortunately, the first time I made this soup, it was incredible so there were high expectations :)
I also made a bacon crusted quiche! I made my cheesy bacon caulifolower, but used frozen cauliflower and it caused it to come out liquidy and mushy, though not too shabby when reheated. We had tried to blanch and freeze a bunch of farmer's market veggies, and I am learning which worked well and which didn't and how to cook with them - mostly pan fry or steam. For asparagus, blanching and freezing seems to have gone terribly- roasted or pan fried the come out shriveled and limp (and I didn't trim them first).
I also made a turkey pot pie soup that was quite good! I LOOOVE chicken/turkey pot pie, so this really hit the spot.
I look forward to some more green tea mouse and other treats. We may be making sweet potato pancakes or banana bread french toast this weekend OoOooO!
Anyhow, just wanted to talk about food for a bit :)
I tried my first duck breast which was so tender and moist. It was truly excellent. I also ordered some new teas- I am really into tea right now. I am getting another tea strainer and liking loose leaf tea. I mostly like black tea and herbal warm spice dessert teas. My favorite continues to be Tazo Focus - black tea, yerba mate, cocoa, and orage MMMM.
I am so grateful today- so happy for this beautiful place I live, for getting to drive through the desert and experience the crisp cold of Taos spring air and a warm bed at night. For the ease that general-lack-of-weather most of us Californians enjoy (no scraping windshields or shoveling snow). For the grass to walk and sit on, and the nuts I have to crack. For the animals who snuggle me and my loving support system. For my happy hands to type and eyes to read, for the paleosphere and the interenet and blogs that let me find and share and gather recipes and info and ideas. :) Happy Friday all!!
Monday, February 27, 2012
Checking in :)
Haven't posted in a while, but all is well!
John and I have both allowed ourselves a more lenient program- we eat at restaurants, have the occasional desert, and are allowing more fruit into our diets (especially with our new dehydrator!) We continue to eat dairy and too many servings of nuts and nut products every day, but we also eat great quality meat, lots of veggies, and overall continue to feel great. We both gained back a few pounds, and know that for definition we need strength training and for more weight loss we need better and more slow and steady exercise as well as less treats, nuts, and dairy.
The key is that we are happy! We like to cook, like to shop for food and like to eat. We go to the farmer's market and Sprouts almost exclusively, with the occasional binge of meat at Rainbow Ranch Farm or supplements from Costco.
I have broken out the crock pot and made both beef strew and pork butt roast. I have made green chile sauce pork chops on the stove, and we totally under-cooked our long sought after bone-in-skin-on turkey breast (though our gracious guest ate her pan finished slices of breast meat most politely and forgave us!)
I continue to sleep better, get up earlier, and have more consistent energy throughout the day. I do my yoga, work on my spiritual health, and strive to be a better me. I treasure my support system, I treasure my home, and I treasure my body. I am moving along, getting humbled and joyous and scared and grateful, learning and growing and stretching my comfort zone.
I am going on a little vacation this weekend for an art retreat- 24 hours of me-time in the car listening to books and meditating and relaxing (with stops to stretch and much primal snacking! :D)
I am looking forward to my future and reminding myself to stay present and appreciate NOW
My freezer is packed with meat and veggies, my pantry is bare with necessities and no ready-snacks that I eat when I am not hungry.
Hoping life is blessed and healthy for all my readers, and sending you a big HAPPY MONDAY! :)
John and I have both allowed ourselves a more lenient program- we eat at restaurants, have the occasional desert, and are allowing more fruit into our diets (especially with our new dehydrator!) We continue to eat dairy and too many servings of nuts and nut products every day, but we also eat great quality meat, lots of veggies, and overall continue to feel great. We both gained back a few pounds, and know that for definition we need strength training and for more weight loss we need better and more slow and steady exercise as well as less treats, nuts, and dairy.
The key is that we are happy! We like to cook, like to shop for food and like to eat. We go to the farmer's market and Sprouts almost exclusively, with the occasional binge of meat at Rainbow Ranch Farm or supplements from Costco.
I have broken out the crock pot and made both beef strew and pork butt roast. I have made green chile sauce pork chops on the stove, and we totally under-cooked our long sought after bone-in-skin-on turkey breast (though our gracious guest ate her pan finished slices of breast meat most politely and forgave us!)
I continue to sleep better, get up earlier, and have more consistent energy throughout the day. I do my yoga, work on my spiritual health, and strive to be a better me. I treasure my support system, I treasure my home, and I treasure my body. I am moving along, getting humbled and joyous and scared and grateful, learning and growing and stretching my comfort zone.
I am going on a little vacation this weekend for an art retreat- 24 hours of me-time in the car listening to books and meditating and relaxing (with stops to stretch and much primal snacking! :D)
I am looking forward to my future and reminding myself to stay present and appreciate NOW
My freezer is packed with meat and veggies, my pantry is bare with necessities and no ready-snacks that I eat when I am not hungry.
Hoping life is blessed and healthy for all my readers, and sending you a big HAPPY MONDAY! :)
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Barefoot Hiking
On Sunday I went on my favorite hike on Mt Baldy with Mr Brutus. This hike is much harder at the very beginning, and at about 1/3 of the way calms down to just moderate difficulty. I was able to take the entire beginning of the hike to that 1/3 mark without stopping. I have a nice, steady, and cautious trudging pace (this is actually the only place I have ever seen a rattlesnake). I stopped at "Resting Rock" and had some water before heading on. At "Little Stump Altar", a small stump with it's middle cored out into a bowl (for forest offerings), I dropped a kiss into it, and took off my shoes and socks. Hiking barefoot was wonderful because the craggy and jagged rocks are mostly located during the first third of the hike, and I was right next to a creek I have dipped my feet and tossed Brutus into. The sound of the trickling water and the sunlight filtering through the leaves all seemed so vivid, and I was kept very present as I could feel so much with each step. The earth was cold in the shade, and wonderfully warm in the sun. The ground was not hard on my feet as long as I took gentle and deliberate steps. Because I was listening to my feet, I felt much more immersed in my environment. When I reached "Brutus' Lookout" I sat and had a snack and gave him some water. I like this hike because I usually pass 4-5 people, so if anything were to happen there is a high chance someone will come around (there are plenty of steep hills to tumble down). I brought my day pack equipped with survival supplies. On the way down, it was much harder to be barefoot as walking downhill involves plopping so much more weight and force to your steps, so I put my shoes back on. Even today my shins are a little sore (which I love!) and I was able to do some great meditating. I felt refreshed and revitalized afterwards.
I am eager to get some minimalist/barefoot shoes so that I can feel the ground - even if not the warmth and cool as much, and walk with more confidence. I work to take my shoes off at work, especially with my half-time standing workstation. I walk around in socks most the time at work and at home :)
Eating and sleeping and life and love are all quite well otherwise. I picked up a wonderful package from Rainbow Ranch Farms - Kunekune pork butt roast and shoulder roast and bacon and loins and beef T-bones and short ribs. John made another 5lb batch of grass-fed chili that came out perfect, especially with some of his almond-meal biscuits crumbled in.
Life is blessed
namaste
I am eager to get some minimalist/barefoot shoes so that I can feel the ground - even if not the warmth and cool as much, and walk with more confidence. I work to take my shoes off at work, especially with my half-time standing workstation. I walk around in socks most the time at work and at home :)
Eating and sleeping and life and love are all quite well otherwise. I picked up a wonderful package from Rainbow Ranch Farms - Kunekune pork butt roast and shoulder roast and bacon and loins and beef T-bones and short ribs. John made another 5lb batch of grass-fed chili that came out perfect, especially with some of his almond-meal biscuits crumbled in.
Life is blessed
namaste
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)